The story of Okello*

When the truth is bitter: the story of a mother who long awaited to be reunited with her son

Okello, the son of a well-known LRA commander, was born in captivity during the LRA conflict. When he managed to escape from captivity he was still very young and escaped with a group of other children born in captivity, leaving his mother behind. Whilst Okello sought refuge in Rachele rehabilitation centre, a team of NGO agencies attempted to search for his maternal and paternal family. The search ended in NGO agencies finding what they thought was the biological maternal family of Okello and handed the child over to them for them to care of him. What later transpired was that there had been confusion concerning the mothers name, as both the biological mother of Okello and the daughter of the family caring for Okello had both been called Nancy*. Therefore, like many other cases of children who returned from captivity, Okello was not being cared for by his true family.

Without knowing the true identity of the child, the family he was given to continued to raise him. At this time, Evelyn, leader of WAN and a member of the JRP team, knew Nancy, the biological mother, from her time in captivity and came to believe that Okello was being taken care of by a family other than his own. Evelyn explained: “when I met with Okello some years back while I was still for studying on an adult literacy course. Okello told me he missed his mother and brother Banya so much that when he started to think about them he could not study well.” That was when Evelyn took a step to see that Okello privately met the mother. In 2014, Evelyn arranged for Okello and Nancy, the perceived biological mother, to meet at the JRP office. It was noted by those attending that both the mother and child instantly knew that they were matched correctly, as Okello immediately asked his mother about his brother, Banya – something only the true son would have been able to say. However, despite this meeting, Evelyn did not know how to tell this news to the grandmother of the child, as she knew how devastating it would be.

A few years passed and in this period the grandmother of the family that had originally taken Okello in had passed on. This news came to the attention of the school when the term finished and Okello was left at the school with no one to pick him up. His schooling, and that of many of the father’s other children, at that time was being funded by a sponsor organisation and so this organisation took it upon themselves to email his sponsor, a Belgian citizen, to explain the problem. Due to difficulties in arranging adoption, the same sponsor asked the deputy head teacher of Gulu Public Primary School to care for Okello and provided her with the monetary means to do so. When this issue arose, Evelyn communicated with the sponsor organisation that she believed the mother had actually returned from captivity and did not belong to the family who originally took care of Okello. Nancy, the friend of Evelyn who she believed was the real mother, was not sure whether Okello was alive or not.

When JRP and WAN came to hear of the worsening situation for Okello, they mobilised various important people involved in this situation for two dialogues to discuss and attempt to resolve this issue. The first meeting, chaired by JRP and WAN, brought together the prime minister of Acholi Ker kal Kwaro (a local cultural institution), Nancy Abalo (the lady claiming she was Okello’s mother), the benefactor that was supporting Okello in school and the elderly woman who claimed Okello was a grandchild of the family. During the meeting, the prime minister of Ker Kal Kwero asked Nancy Abalo to present the reasons as to why she claims that Okello is her son.  With tears rolling from her eyes she said:

‘‘first of all, I did not die, I am alive. When the government soldiers attacked, I had already left that area, but my son was with another group that escaped and returned back home. My son, while in captivity, developed a disease that affected all the finger nails, and all were wounded. The finger nails grew back apart from one fingernail that did not grow back well, and that is a sign that I can use to identify my son. Besides, he knows his brother because by the time my son had been separated from me, his younger brother called Banya was already around and he loved him so much.’’

A member of the sponsor organisation said that in the process of seeking for the truth about Okello’s true mother, the Belgian sponsor had organised for a DNA test to be taken for both Okello and the mother. The member said: ‘‘I am pleased to inform that I have the copy of the DNA results which I shall hand over to the prime minister of Ker Kal Kwaro. These results stated clearly that Nancy Abalo is the biological mother of Okello – there is no doubt about it.”

Before the DNA test results were released, the member of Sponsor Children Uganda explained that at first, they thought that Nancy was not the biological mother of Okello. This was believed because the women who were close to Okello’s mother while in captivity said that Nancy had been killed by a bomb that had been thrown by the government soldiers, who even covered her body, confirming that she was dead.

A beautiful moment happened when one of the women claiming that Okello was not a son to Nancy arrived. She arrived just as the DNA results were being presented to the prime minister. On seeing that Nancy was alive she was completely shocked and asked, “where have you been that I could not see you?” She was overwhelmed with guilt and asked for forgiveness from Okello’s mother: “I am sorry for all that I said. I thought you had passed on. But now that you are here and alive, it is better for Okello that he lives with his biological mother, so that a bond may be built between them and they may feel the love each other missed.” The prime minister then resolved that a step needed to be taken so that Okello is given to his biological mother. The mother was full of joy and proclaimed, “I will carry my son on my back however old he is and give him all the love a mother can give her child.”

The second meeting held by JRP and WAN to discuss the issue further brought together members of both the paternal and maternal side of Okello, the family claiming to be related to Okello, the deputy head teacher of Gulu Public primary school and the Prime Minister of Ker Kal Kwero. In addressing the group, the prime minster said: “In Acholi culture it is not allowed for a different person to force and claim custody of a blood which is not theirs. Therefore, the reason the meeting was held was to ensure that Okello gets to know who his biological mother is and where he can finally call home.”

Once the Prime Minister confirmed that the DNA test showed the 99.99% likelihood of Nancy Abalo being the biological mother of Okello, Okot* a member from the family claiming Okello, narrated how he got to know Okello. He said:

“Okello is my nephew, a son to my sister Aciro Nancy* who was abducted from Koch Amar in 1988 and to this date has not returned. In 2004, I was approached by a team of members from Rachele rehabilitation Centre who came to my carpentry work place and told me of a child called Okello a son to Nancy. They said that I should take over the responsibility for caring for Okello. I took the news positively and spoke to my late mother. Together we organized various cultural procedures like ‘Nyono tong gweno’ (stepping on an egg before entering the home) and Okello was welcomed home.”

Despite the DNA test results, Okot went ahead and asked Nancy Abalo the name of her clan and its location, saying that she probably changed her name whilst in captivity. Despite this allegation, Nancy’s mother was present to prove that Nancy Abalo was not related to Okot – something that was clear just based on resemblance. Nancy’s mother said: “Nancy Abalo is my daughter and the name Nancy Abalo was given by me. She was abducted but returned. When she returned, I found her with two children, but she told me that her other son went missing. I am happy that her missing son is what we are discussing today because for so long she has been craving to meet him again.”

A paternal uncle to Okello explained, “my brother was abducted and at one point passed via home and said he had wives and children. I told him to return home with the wives and children so that he could start taking care of them, but he said his mission was not done yet. Therefore, I acknowledge that my brother has children, although some we don’t know their whereabouts. Okello is one of them and I believe the DNA test result. Although it is my first time to meet Nancy Abalo, I believe wholeheartedly that Okello belongs to her. A mother knows who her child is and who the father is.”

The uncle showed sincere sorrow and pain for the mistreatment of the children of his brother. He elaborated this by explaining how one of his brother’s children, whose mother comes from Pabbo, walked on foot to the paternal home due to mistreatment. He said, “we had to flee away from Patiko due to continuous attack by the government soldiers for where our brother was. My mother was severely beaten by the government soldiers because of my brother.” As he recounted the story he broke down in tears. He noted that, “it will be very important if these children are allowed to know their paternal family members, even if they are not able to stay with us due to financial difficulties. Unfortunately, we cannot take care of them all. However, we ask that those in scholarships will continue to be supported.” Later in the meeting, the paternal grandmother to Okello said, “I am happy to hear that I have grandchildren and I wish to see them while I am still alive. Even though my son is dead, I am happy that I can see his image through his children.”

The prime minster later explained that the Acholi Ker Kal Kwaro is not a court place to pronounce judgments. Instead, it listens to the situation of the people and helps bring forward resolutions to matters. The suggestions given by the Acholi Ker Kal Kwaro were as follows:

• Nancy the mother to Okello has full rights to know, see, and talk to the child
• As per Acholi culture, it is the role of the paternal side of Okello to care for the children
• Unity is needed since Okello has a bond with both his biological parents and the families that took care of him
• Plans to organise Okello and the other brothers to be taken home to both the maternal and paternal side

Therefore, it was resolved that everyone present would go and meet Okello at the home of the deputy head teacher. When the trip took place, Okello was told who his biological mother and paternal family were. To the dismay of many, Okello did not accept Nancy as his biological mother, saying, “I don’t know any Nancy Abalo, I only know Aciro Nancy, and my uncle Okot.” This caused Nancy Abalo a lot of pain and she broke down in tears. She later said to Evelyn, “my child has been brain washed.” When she had previously met Okello, he had been happy to meet her. She was consoled by Evelyn and was encouraged to never to give up. For Nancy Abalo, this day was full of mixed emotions: sadness after not being accepted by her son, but also happiness and joy after as she was able to see her son again after such a long time. Therefore, despite the fact that Nancy was denied by her son, she promised to always come and see him with his brothers, since they will also be enrolled under the same sponsorship that Okello is benefiting from.

The case of Okello highlights the many complexities of the LRA conflict. Nearly every family was impacted heavily by the conflict and in trying to deal with the consequences it can be extremely difficult. It is not rare that children who returned from captivity were reunited with a family other than their biological family, and in some cases, children were even taken in to be used as workers or housemaids. Therefore, WAN and JRP, with the help of cultural institutions, seeks to aid in reintegrating children born in captivity with their biological family, so a sense of identity and belonging may be reinstated and for the wellbeing of the child to be a focus for all involved.

*The names of those involved have been changed so that their identity may be preserved